03/04/2023

Listening to: Average Guy- TV Girl & Monster Rally

Eating: Lasgna idfk

Time: 8:19 pm

Long time no entry huh? yeah i'd be a lot better at this if i were writing. when i get the journal i want i think im gonna abanndon this dump. everyones getting on my fucking nerves. im nt home, and i hate being not home because i like being around my things. i hate being around people i hate leaving tyh house i hate going to other peoples house around their stupid fucking kids that they dont know how to parent. i fucking hate everything and everyone in this moment. all these adults act like children, and these children act grown because black parents are fucking stupid.

02/22/2023

Listening to: It's All Futile! It's All Pointless!- Lovejoy

Eating: Cake Icing...again.

Time: 5:54 pm

Another day feeling like worthless garbage! what else is new? i've been trying to get better at art for some time now. you know, improve and stuff. but all ive been doing lately is overwhelming myself with the sheer amount of information needed to improve rather than actually learning anything. In fact i just feel like im getting worse day by day. i dont know how to study or WHAT to study. im just so confused and drained and demotivated. and i constantly suyrround myself with art that is better than mine evry time i got on social media. ive notuiced that when im not looking at other peoples art i actually feel good about my art. but if i look at other peoples and then draw afterward, my art looks like garbage and all i can think about is their art. thats so annoying. a week ago i look at one of my old sketchbooks and noticed how well i was doing. there were lots of studies and gesture/figure drawings and experimemntaion. and i ask myself, what happened? why did i stop being like that? why cant i like my art the way i used to? why is it so hard to study literally anyrthing? even 30 minutes of gesture drawing is hard for me now. its always "i dont feel like it". i never feel like doing anything anymnore. im so hungry. i dont understand what caused me to become ths way when at some point i was doing so well. ansd dwhen i try to be like that again, its not the same. it all feelsa forced now. nothing feels good anymore. i feel like garbage like all the time.


02/19/2023

Listening to: King of Echo Park- Tv Girl

Eating: Cake Icing

Time: 5:13 pm

Just so tired. i dont know what to do today so im just sitting around. its awful. i hate doing nothing. but i didnt plan my day this morning like usual, so i had nothing to go off of. When i have no plan nowadays it usually ends in me wasting a load of time doing things like scrolling because thats what i do when i dont know what to do. im so tired and i reeeeeeally just wanna sleep, but i know taking naps in the middle of the day is not good for you. i dont even have energy to do anything even if i did have something to do today.


02/16/2023

Listening to: Figure 8- Paramore

Eating: Chicken Alfredo (yum!)

Time: ???? it was like 12 am idk lol

This will be my first online diary entry. Woohoo! I've been putting it off for so long now, making the diary and such, and now that I've finally done it, i honestly don't know how long I'll keep up with this. It certaintly won't be a daily thing. i prefer writing. also, i make a lot more spelling mistakes when i type, and i fucking hate spelling mistakes. but i think it would be funny if i just didnt fix them. anywyas. wow. tjhe irony. anyways, my day. yeah, i spent like the WHOLE DAY talking to my big sister about stuff. fun stuff like our shared trauma. yeah. wont go into details but it was a great and fun talk. i dont really feel like typing, but i need a first entry so i can gert this stupid thing out. yeah. good day.